Algebraic phobias

I wish that my mother had sent in the request for an algebra tutor.
It's just so simple to put things aside, deal with them later. Forget about it.
But once reminded it burns a hole in my mind.
I lose focus on everything.
My eyes blur...
My sobs catch in my throat.
So well,
so well.

I'm not sure if I can do this...
I have major doubts that I could...
The lump grows even bigger,
I can hardly catch my breath.

I try to calm my breathing, make my sobs so very silent.
Hide my unbelieving...
Others don't need to find it.
Staring at this paper... I was all but losing hope.
When asked if I could do it.
My answer was
a great big...
Nope.


Should I ask for help?
Why should I waste their time.
They have better things to do,
Than try to focus on my jumbled mind.

They ask me what I need,
If I knew...
Then I would do it.
Fiddling my thumbs...
I think that I just blew it.

Is there still a chance?
Am I really worth it?
Could I find the effort...
Or has it all been wasted?

While I sit here doing nothing

Numbers all a blur,

Waiting for something...
What it is I'm not sure.
And I fear her angry wrath.
Ask for help you say?
I think I'd rather pass.

I hear the angry shouts...
Screams and disappointment.
I'd shy away from her now.
I don't want to face it.
My mind is running rabid. These conversations fake.
I don't know the truth.
But my head makes it pain.

Never hit that button, the one that will explode.
Maybe I think too much,
But past results make it so.
I see these numbers... all these numbers...
None of which are mine.
If you could here me
You'd save me,
even just this one time.
Calling,
Silent.
Hiding behind a wall
I don't blame you for not responding.
I almost can't hear at all.

Losing footing
losing hope
Losing changes
the piercing nope
Cause for reason
Make me scream
No sound comes from my mouth.

Yelling louder
Overwhelmed
Underneath the fears and frown

Calling out the questions.
Answers lost in space.
Never heard them.

Does it hurt?
Out of chances.

I'm afraid,
To ask.